MASH

As a young girl, I remember frequently playing MASH with my best friend, a paper and pencil game, commonly played by preteens intended to predict one's future. These predictions included the two of us living on neighboring farms, marrying tall blondes with blue eyes, tending to our herd of horses, while raising our children. To be even more specific we each would have three children, for myself, it was two boys and one girl, with the girl being the youngest of the bunch. We would drive trucks, and ride and train horse for a living. Life on the farm would be perfect, and all personal needs/desires would be sufficiently met.   

If only our future could be so easily predicted, dreamed up, and even as clearly mapped out as this. Often times as we try to navigate through our lives with such control we find ourselves only confused and disappointed when our personal plans and expectations fall through. We place such pressure to succeed and fail to plan how we will react when this expected success does not happen.

Around my husband’s and my seventh wedding anniversary we finally had decided to take the next step in life, parenting. Given the fact that we had the opportunity to witness many friends enter this stage in life much before our decision to. We realized we could be embarking on a “not-so-fun” adventure, trying to conceive. Both Jeff and I had decided to make a decision before we began trying to get pregnant, discussing how we would handle fertility, if we were to struggle, and at what point would we implement “plan b”, whatever that would end up being.

At the beginning of this new season in life, we made the heartfelt decision to adopt if getting pregnant was not on our side. We enjoyed the first several months of this journey and tried to make this time together fun and not stressful, however, reality and doubt began to hit. I would be lying if I said I did not experience frustration and sadness as I began to wonder about our future with the more and more time that passed. It was a future that years ago, was so clear, now fogging over with confusion and hopelessness.

Even though we had made a plan for the unexpected possibility that pregnancy may not naturally happen, I did not feel it was concrete or possible. Adoption felt so comfortable to discuss when it was just a plan that was never to be needed, but when the reality of our situation continued to hit us, adoption felt scary and unknown, yet a glimpse of hope. God began placing people in our lives who, had adopted children or were currently en route. We started using the term more frequently, as if we knew what it meant for our lives. The foreign word and concept started to seep into our minds, hearts, and relationship. This “plan b” became our primary focus, all we wanted, all we knew.

When it comes to God’s plan for our lives, all he is asking from us, in the way of helping, is to have faith in him. The day we brought our twelve day old baby boy home, was a day that my faith in God grew. God reveled his love for us through sending this little boy, who so desperately needed a family to love him, into the arms of a couple who so desired to share their love. I could not have pictured anything more perfect than this.

I recognize that starting a family and the decisions that need to be made are emotional, personal, and overwhelming. How can something so wonderful be so stressful? How can something so well thought out, planned, dreamed, mapped, feel so unorganized, messy, and frustrating? Without God completely driving the ship, we are left wandering through this scary place of life alone. My encouragement not just to parents, but to every individual, is to put down the paper and pencil that continues to map out the perfect scenario and future, it will never be perfect, as long as you continue to try and draw it out on your own. Pray that God change the desires of your heart, pray that you begin to see more clearly his plan for you, that you feel the passion for his calling. Allow time to grieve and readjust your lens on life, and make sure to submit to God’s plans and understand, that no matter what they are they will always be best for you. 

The Last 76 Hours

The Last 76 Hours-

Life is like a…roller coaster; you never know what the next turn will bring. That pretty much sums up the last 76 hours of our life.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013 8:30am:

Jeff and I received a surprise phone call from our Adoption Social Worker, stating she had great news. As I begin to pace around the bedroom, sweat forming on my brow, and the phone shaking by my unsteady hand, she proceeds to tell me they have a little baby boy for us, born on July 5^th, 2013 (4 days old, at time of call). The parents are voluntarily relinquishing their rights to the child and have chosen us. I have never experienced emotions the way I did during that moment. On one hand I am composed while talking with the social worker, and on the other hand I am a wreck pacing the room and ready to totally loose it. She informs us we will need to wait for 48 hours to hear more information that will be presented by the birth parent’s Social Worker. I know what you’re thinking: what else…our thoughts exactly. The rest of the day was toast. We were emotional wrecks!

Longest 48 hours of our LIFE!

Thursday, July 11, 2013 4:30pm:

Met with the birth parent’s Social Worker and our Adoption Worker to hear the presentation of baby and his family. Anxious, nervous, worried, excited, the list goes on of the varying emotions being experienced by both Jeff and myself at this point. We hear more exciting and encouraging news about this precious bundle of joy. They revealed he was 7 lbs, and 20.5 in. long, healthy and eating like a champ. After hearing the dynamics of the family and the baby’s current situation, the Social Worker asked how we were feeling. With no immediate setbacks or concerns in moving forward we, with great joy, told her we would love to hear more! She pulled out a picture. Oh boy, our hearts sank. There I was looking at what could be our future son, all swaddled up in a white hospital blanket with a blue and pink hat. Sleeping so peacefully. I could not take my eyes off the picture. Moving forward met meeting the birth parents the following day. Leaving that meeting we knew there was still huge risks involved but we continued to rely on God for strength. We had made a choice, no matter what if this opportunity did not work out we would be disappointed, so we could either live the next hours/days in pure fear and doubt or we could enjoy this gift of hope God has so graciously given us. We decided on the latter option. What a joy ride it has been.

Friday, July 12, 12:30pm:

After a long one-hour and a half drive to the meeting location, Jeff and I arrived to meet the birth parents and the Social Worker. Baby boy was not present at this meeting. Jeff wanted to throw up the whole drive there because of nerves and I just kept almost peeing my pants, needless to say, we were a mess that was going to have to compose ourselves to be empathetic and sincere to this struggling yet courageous couple. This was a time about them and their needs, all our excitement, anxiety, joy, nervousness, had to be put aside and delivered in a sensitive way. We know there are times that God puts people in our lives to love, and sometimes these people are not easy to love. One of our many prayers on the way to this meeting was that this couple would be easy to love. As we walked into the meeting room and sat across the table from two strangers who were considering us to surrender their rights as parents to, I immediately fell in love with them. I admire their selfless decision and commend them for their bravery. God was so present in this meeting and everything went better than we could ever ask for. The couple absolutely loved us as potential parents and had no hang ups about us as a couple or individuals, they recognized that they could not give this baby the life he deserves, and believe that we are the couple that can. We assured them that with God’s help, we could! What a meeting. We hugged, took some pictures to remember our time, and departed ways.

2 minutes later:

Social Worker calls, Jeff and I are hardly out of the driveway of the office, “Their in! They want to move forward!” What an amazing relief. Jeff and I had never felt God so close to us, the way we did during that meeting. Even the Social Worker, during that phone call, mentioned she had never experienced anything like that meeting in all the years she had been working as a Relinquishment Worker. God’s name was glorified, and for that we are so thankful! So what does “moving forward” mean?

Tuesday July 16^th 10:30am:

We will go meet baby boy and spend an hour hearing from his current caretaker, who has had him since he left the hospital. Oh and did I mention I will be cuddling, loving, smelling, staring, more staring…all the things a new mommy does with her new born, yes I said smelling, some of you love “New Car Scent” I love “New Baby Scent”. Tuesday feels so far away, my diaper bag is already packed.  

Wednesday July 17^th: THE BIG DAY!

Baby comes home! And that’s all I have to say.

Please continue to pray for us during these next several days, weeks, and months as the process is not yet over, and there is always a risk until the adoption is finalized. If everything goes as planned, we are expecting it to take no more than six months! That’s incredible timing. What a word, timing, God has done nothing but continued to reveal who he is through this entire process. Jeff and my faith has grown, literally, by the hour, for the last 76 hours.

*No names or identities can be revealed yet so unfortunately no picture of baby or name can be shared. Please respect this and understand we are eager to share and will do so as soon as we can.  If you are a close friend or relative that knows more information please do not share any info on comments made in any social media circle. Thanks! 

Hanging By a Thread

The summer before my 30^th birthday, Jeff and I spent a week with some friends at the lake on our boat. I struggle to admit it, but I feel I was nearing a crisis that thirty sounded way older than I could possibly be. To top it off, spending a week in my bathing suit on the lake was only adding to this discomfort. I was a short three months from the birthday celebration, and my arm muscles were already loosening, creating what was beginning to look like a flag hanging from my lower arm. I swear our bodies take on a totally different confirmation for each decade we enter.  

Sitting on the edge of our boat, appearing relaxed, but in actuality, obsessing about some of these physical changes and wondering if anyone else could notice. I decided it was time for a dip. I began sliding down the side of the boat, trying my best to gracefully enter the water without making a splash. All of a sudden, before I had time to react, I was hanging upside down with both arms and legs dangling from the side of the boat with the bottoms to my bathing suit caught on the boat cleat, literally “hanging by a thread”, my head inches from the water.

This thread was not about to let go. Through much discomfort, as I am sure you can imagine without my explaining, I reached back, straining to detach my suit from the boat, but no luck. My friend’s attempt to help was poor as she could barely catch her breath through her hysterical laughter. She began to instruct me to swim out of the suit. Now with an audience nearing ten people, I had other things to worry about them noticing, I was now moments from revealing all of these “30 year old changes”. I began trying to find the hull of the boat with my feet. Gripping with my toes, I struggled to push off.

At last, the thread released, and I plunged face first into the water. As I emerged to the surface, my eyes met all those who witnessed my most embarrassing, what felt like way more than a “moment”. Perfect timing to keep everyone’s attention, since all eyes were already on me, I decided to create one more scene as I tried to get back into the boat. Amid my embarrassment and nervous laughter, I began stepping onto the boat drive to help hoist my graceful, 30 year old self up. When, at that very moment, I stood up out of the water onto the back of the boat, I glanced down to notice the bottoms of my suit formed a perfect sling shot, so stretched out they were now hanging down to my knees; talk about going from one embarrassing moment to the next.

How quickly things can change in a moment. There I was worrying about all the changes to “come”, and before I knew it my life was hanging upside down, literally. This is much like the anticipation Jeff and I are feeling as we await the arrival of a little one into our home. As much as we can try to get things ready (adjusting daily routines, preparing the home, reading books, etc.), nothing can fully prepare us for what is about to take place. Before we know it, we will get hit with the surprises of parenting, and will be feeling at times turned upside down, hanging on by nothing but a thread…

Keep the laughs coming and share with us some of life’s greatest moments and lessons of parenting you have experienced. Please feel free to leave a brief comment sharing your own personal stories of when you felt your life was “Hanging By a Thread”.     

                                                   

"What If?"

Through this foreign experience of adoption, are the “what if” questions that are commonly posed by individuals inquiring about the process: “What if the child’s mom used alcohol while she was pregnant and your child has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?” “What if the mom used drugs while pregnant?” “Can you say no to a child if they have disabilities or ‘baggage’?” “Can they tell you if the child will have any delays before you have to say ‘yes’?”…

I just returned from spending a week in the mountains with nearly 40 elementary campers. Through my personal camp experience God really showed me something. I was with children who were born healthy, intelligent kids and who were blessed with caring parents. Somehow between their birth and now, a handful of them have unfortunately undergone serious upset to their living environment/family dynamics.  A large handful of these kids have struggled to overcome their parent’s divorce, many being placed as victims in the middle of their parent’s strife. Some of these kids living in a scary, unexplainable, situation of having an ill parent, and sadly children, ill as a result of trauma. 

This need to control our lives and try to identify the “what ifs” before we are even handed them, can get a bit ridiculous and out of hand, as we quickly loose sight of the “now”. These same parents that once had healthy relationships and birthed healthy children, never thought they were going to face such difficulties. We never know what tomorrow holds. There is a plan for each of us on this earth and our trying to step in and control that plan only complicates things. Currently, Jeff and I are trying to remain positive as we prepare for our future little one that will hopefully be joining our family in the near future. Of course it would be extremely helpful to know what exactly we are going to face, rarely are we ever given such helpful information in advance. I think this is God’s intention. 

We cannot control what “type” of child God places in our home whether that is a biologically child or adoptive child. The “what if” questions are only scary and anxiety provoking, if one chooses to dwell on them, because they feel so out of our control. However, what God really showed me during my mountain top experience is that I cannot control what God wants for me, and my family, but what I can control is my relationship with Him. I do know when God hands you something, he will tell you what to do with it, all you have to do is listen and stay out of his way! The rest is up to him. 

Tic Toc...

Tic Toc…well we have reached the point in our adoption process where the “official wait” begins. As I began preparing myself emotionally for this part of the journey, I started to feel relieved that we were entering a “busy” time in life; summer, a season where time flies and fun activities at work and home take place, and before you know it time passes.

After spending time in prayer and silence, seeking God’s voice and guidance, I began to feel convicted of my way of coping. I recognized that my prayer for patience and my feelings towards the “wait” were not one in the same. My expectations for a fast pace, time flying, season, was not in fact patience. It was my facing this journey without the dependence of God, and not being open to what it is He wants for me to gain from this aspect of the process.

I began to read in Mark, where scripture talks about Christ’s experience in the wilderness. That even when Jesus was in the wilderness he grew hungry. His so powerful example of how he dealt with his hunger, left me questioning; “how am I going to handle my hunger if and when that time comes?” If God, so chooses to place us in the wilderness, am I ready to lean on the “word of God” and not “bread alone”?

The “Wilderness” by definition is a barren land that has been neglected or abandoned, without food or water. The lack of life and resources often leaves one deprived and reliant on whatever comes their way. Often times without the fulfillment one needs to survive one can begin resorting to things far from God and giving into temptation.

That same day that I was reading and journaling through Mark, God directed my eyes to Isaiah 43:19. In this particular verse, God says that he is going to do something new. He placed a path in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Through this scripture I am reminded how God will be with me, but more importantly, it is possible for him to provide me guidance and hope, even during a time that can feel so dry and lonely. I have begun praying that God send me a path in my wilderness and a river in my desert. That life, hope, and direction be placed in my life. It is possible, he has done it before, and he can do that for me.

Now, although I pray that we do not have to enter the wilderness, I feel my heart is more prepared and my faith is strengthened by God’s guidance through his scripture.  Like in the book of Genesis, I want to be like Jacob who served for his wife Rachel for seven years, but because of his love for her it felt like days.  I desire that same love, and I am reminded that this adoption is not for me, but for God’s child, and it is in His hands!

                                       A sneak peak at the nursery that awaits baby Dykema.